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Moving Forward brings up Fear

15/10/2012

7 Comments

 
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When we commit to moving forward in life – getting a new job, starting a new business, creating a community or social project, starting a new relationship, making a public presentation… whatever it is there can be a sense of enthusiasm, excitement and uplift as we are filled with the promise of what we intend to realise.

The part of us that wants to grow and develop is satisfied knowing that we’re moving in the right direction towards fulfilling our potential. But if we’re realistic we probably acknowledge that moving forward is also likely to bring challenges. We’re going to encounter situations that mean we have to leave our “comfort zone.”

So when we get to the point where intentions have to translate into actions, this is where the pull back and the obstacles start to arise. Feelings connected with fear and anxiety start to come up. Our underlying vulnerability is exposed due to the prospect of venturing into unknown territory. Now these feelings are not negative per se, for example fear often has an important message like “pay attention to this novelty” or “be alert for danger”; however if we get stuck in fear it can result in paralysis or severe procrastination that stops us moving towards where we want to go.

We may know in our heart there is something we really want to accomplish but the moment it comes to acting on that intention we might start to feel a bit queasy, numb, sleepy or anxious. When these feelings come up our reaction will often be to turn away and seek something more pleasurable. So instead of taking the first action to start our great new project we go and make ourselves a cup of tea, we check our Facebook account, we start cleaning the house or make ourselves busy with something that was previously a lot less important.

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Ok, you may say, I recognise this - but how do I deal with it?

Well, the most important step is to acknowledge the fear and the feeling associated with it. Our knee-jerk reaction is usually to experience the uncomfortable feeling as an enemy that has to be pushed away or deadened by distractions or substances like alcohol and nicotine. This may seem to work in the short term but in the long run the feelings get stronger and the anxiety just cranks itself up even more.

So the first step is to get in touch with the fear, allow it to be, even welcome it in as a trusted guest. Then we can start to get curious or intimate with the feeling. Where in our bodies do we feel it? We locate it and then bring our complete undivided attention to embrace and be in touch with the feeling and stay present with it as much as we can. By practising this, the feeling of anxiety may at first feel more pronounced but then it will subside and dissipate.

The above step is always vital but additionally we can also voice the fear. If our anxious feeling could speak what would it say? Become the fear, embody it completely and see what it has to say. What are its concerns? Listen to them. This helps us to have a cognitive understanding of what’s going on. It helps us to separate from identifying with the anxiety and being controlled by it.

Nowadays there have also been developments in what‘s known as releasing emotions.
One such method is EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique.) It looks a bit weird when you do it but I have consistently found it to be effective. This method once again consists of welcoming the uncomfortable feeling and bringing it to mind then tapping one’s fingers on acupressure points, freeing up the emotional energy and allowing it to flow. Take a look at this video about how to do it here.

Another way of releasing is the Sedona Method. This also involves allowing the feeling, then investigating it and asking and answering 3 questions: “Could I let this (fear) go? Would I let it go? When?” It sounds too simple but sometimes the simplest methods are the most effective. In this video Hale Dwoskin, one of the founders of the method, shows you how to do it.

Enjoy the embracing and releasing! I'd be happy to hear your thoughts and comments.

7 Comments
celine
15/10/2012 12:03:26 am

when i don't want to do something i have to do, like my job for exemple, i find a lot of things to do whitch are less important, as you said ( cleaning the house, check mails...). i thought it was lasyness! do you think it can be fear hidden under lasyness?

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Andy
16/10/2012 08:46:27 pm

That's a very good question Céline. It's possible there is fear under the laziness. Do you enjoy your job?

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céline
2/11/2012 05:14:31 am

since last time, and thanks to your article that i read one more time, i thought more about this question... in fact, i love my job, guilding is the favorite of all the jobs i have already done. but your question is good: behind this ( i mean behind lasiness), to be honnest, i fear my clients jugement, even if they trust me and give me a lot of work! i dout the result of my work and before it is complitly finished, i always loose confidence !
what to do then? on one hand, i can do nothing, i know it is here and i let it be... or on the other hand, i can do something, but the probleme is that i don't know what ! ...

Andy
8/11/2012 02:40:50 am

Céline - I'm replying to your comment below. Because it doesn't let me do it under your last comment.
I think it's great to identify the fear of clients judgment being a cause for the laziness. Becoming aware is the first step in loosening the control of the fear.
Before that fear pushed you away from starting the work and you just thought you were lazy. Now you see more. Next time the feeling comes up and you don't want to start work you can feel the fear and ask yourself how true or likely is it that my clients will not like my work? Or what is the worst that can happen? The point is having awareness to choose whether you want to listen to the voice of fear or not - making a conscious decision and not an unconscious fear-driven one. Does that make sense?

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celine
9/11/2012 07:01:45 pm

yes, that make sens... if i take the problem on an other side, i have the same result. i mean: if i am anthousiastic and not lazy, i can see that is because i am not aware of the real consequences that can happen, then i have no fear. when i have already done an action i know the result, and if the result was not expected, i chose an other way to do it, and in this case, i feel no fear, even if it is new... i resume: when i am ignorent, i feel no fear, and when i have an idea of what can be the posibilitys whitch can result, i feel fear and lazyness!
about fear, when i ask to myself what worst can happen, fear desapears and that force me to admit that the real question is: what do i realy want? what is the result i need to get? do i have something to loose? exactly what you said !! thank you for light...

Isabel
15/10/2012 10:49:27 pm

Ah, Merci Andy! Cela fait du bien de lire ce texte...j'entame une nouvelle formation et la boule au estomac ne veux pas partir si facilement!!! Fou, hein! Bise.

Reply
Andy
16/10/2012 08:54:03 pm

Bon courage pour la formation et de rentrer en relation avec la boule! Bises.

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    Andy Paice

    Natural Insight - Life Coach and Facilitator.

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